LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
