After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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