Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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