So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
