the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My dick has a subreddit
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
