Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
