I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
