I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
