Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
