I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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