I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
