You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
