my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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