1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
