I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
