Quick, to the slutcave!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
