organizing the empties. That sober.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
