I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Mom said you looked used
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
