We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
