I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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