Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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