He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
