I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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