He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
