I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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