I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
