I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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