I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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