maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
