remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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