i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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