so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
