The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
