uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
