I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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