forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
