she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
