There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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