I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
