I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
