Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
