Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Randomize
