the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
