dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
