And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
