Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I love you. Go after that dick
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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