tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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