Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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