I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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