I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
