miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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