Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
