Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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